Thursday, January 8, 2015

Climbing Slowly Down Into the Pit

I remember being told one day that our dad was coming to take us out of the orphanage. At that point I had all but forgotten about him during the four years in the home. I don't recall seeing him during those four years. I remember the phone call and him telling us he was coming to get him. My older sister had positive feelings about him and I so remember her telling me this was a good thing.

The day arrived for him to come and take us to live with him. I remember him coming to the orphanage and being in awe. Here was this handsome man in a cool car coming to get us out of there. Surely it had to be better then what we had just been through. We lived several states away from where he was taking us. It took several days in the car to drive. I remember him being funny, upbeat and handsome. He quizzed us over and over again on our new address and phone number. We arrived late at night to our new home, a three bedroom apartment in a big brownstone. There was a buzzer inside this small vestibule. I was impressed. It was summer time and he had arranged for us to be cared for by a teenage girl. I remember her taking us to a swimming pool with a cabana. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Quickly summer was over and it was time to go to school. The one problem was my little sister. She was too young to start kindergarten. So what does any kind and attentive daddy do? He tells her she is to sit on the couch till the rest of us got home. Just pause and think about that. She was four years old at the time. Her job was to sit on the couch and just wait. Back in those days we went home for lunch so she got to see us at lunch time. Even at the age of ten I knew this was not right. Poor thing would cry when we left. When I think back at what the message sent to my sister I shiver. Why would someone do that to a child?

In the apartment complex our dad introduced us to his "friends", two brothers, I believe were twins and they were deaf. They were the first of many men to come into our lives. It didn't take long for the honeymoon to be over.  The core of who the man was came to the surface. First there was the physical abuse. I remember one time my dad was beating my brother, both hands around his head, smashing it over and over again into the wall. He was yelling and screaming and swearing. At this point my older sister came out of her room and was crying and asked our dad to stop. It was horrible.

The sexual abuse started at about the same time. My brother suffered the most at my dad's hands. Years later we found out that he had been abusing boys for many many years. When he would get caught he would quietly move to another state in the same kind of job and start the abuse cycle all over again. I know that this is an unpleasant topic. I don't write to shock, trust me, this is a part of my history that I wish had never happened. But it did, and we as children reached out for help, those we so desperately needed to help us, turned a blinds eye to the abuse.

I know how the media portrays homosexuality. Two men or two women holding hands on the beach kind of stuff. I will tell you that in reality it is the farthest thing from the truth. I watched first hand, it is ugly, it is nasty and it is not God's plan. I learned as a young teenager what beastiality was and I was sickened. That should never happen.

I remember the time when the Catholic church was found to be guilty of hiding sexual abuse at the hands of some priests. Those little boys were raped both physically and emotionally. Try being surrounded by all the abuse from the one person you are supposed to trust, and come out of it walking upright.

Abuse in any form is wrong. It is evil and it is not God honoring. It robs children of their childhood. Abuse tells children they are helpless. There is no way out. I can't tell you how many children were robbed by this one man. I personally know of at least one young man who took his own life because of the abuse he suffered at the hands of my dad. Research says that a sexual abuser doesn't get caught till he has abused around 100 children. That is a tragedy.

How do I turn this around and leave you with hope? I can tell you that it took many years to work through these issues. Tomorrow I will write about the aftermath. I can tell you one thing, God did not cause the abuse we suffered as children. It is the absence of God that is how evil comes to play. God worked a miracle in each of my siblings and myself lives. He restored what was robbed of us. What Satan and my dad meant for evil God took it and turned it for good.

There is great hope. Till tomorrow
In Christ Alone,

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".

1 comment:

  1. I have a familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach while reading this. But afterward, another familiar feeling comes. The one where I am overflowing with wonder at the miracles of our Lord. Especially the miracle of Jill. Amazing!