Monday, February 10, 2014

What If?

The past month has been a huge blur. So many snow storms that bring babies, one after the other. So many prenatals and miles upon miles of driving. There has been almost no time to write. When I do get home I go to bed at a ridiculous hour in hopes of getting a few hours before going again. I knew January and February were going to be crazy and it has lived up to everything I had imagined!

That being said, I had the priviledge to attend a two day workshop this past weekend with two of the most well respected midwives in the United States. They are giants in our field. They travel all over the world giving their workshops. Saturday was all about the first hour of transition for a newborn and neonatal resuscitation. Transition for the newborn is a fascinating topic. Learning all about the physiology of the newborn at birth is such an amazing perfectly designed part of life. I consider it such a privilidge to witness that first hour of life. To me it is a holy time. The angels must be rejoicing at the birth of a new little gift to be cherished.

We had spent hours in class soaking up all the information when it was time to get on the floor with the newborn resuscitation dolls. The flashbacks started coursing through my brain from my time in Haiti. I lost babies in Haiti. Their lives were in my hands and I was unable to save them and my heart breaks. Life is so precious. Then I started the what if's. Did I really do the five inflation breaths first? Were my fingers positioned correctly? Did I count right? Like a bad movie the scenes played out in my brain. I felt like I was back in Haiti. Breathe Jill. Thankfully my partner Courtney was next to me. She saw the tears and understood, and held space for me.

It's those what ifs that can bite us in the behind. I have never been one to wallow in the what ifs. I like to process an event and then take the lessons and move on, no ruminating for me! This time though it came back in a tidal wave. What if I had stood to the side instead of the feet? Did I ventilate the lungs properly? Did I do everything within my power to bring this baby back to life? Sounds crazy I know. I take great comfort in knowing that those precious lives that hung in the balance those days went directly into the arms of our Perfect Father. I chose to praise God in that storm.

What about you? Do you have what if's in your life that are weighing you down? Do you have deep regrets that you marinate in? Whatever those regrets are may I suggest that you take them out, examine them and deal with the emotional baggage that comes with it and then bring it to the feet of the cross and walk away. Walk away dear one. There is nothing left to do. Hold tight to the lessons learned and then walk away stronger than you were when you started. Life is too short to be walking around with regret. It is at the foot of the cross that you leave those burdens.

In Christ Alone,

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".

1 comment:

  1. Praise God, I have been able to let the Lord take so many of the "what ifs" that were strangling me. Having that burden lifted feels so much better!