Sunday, May 12, 2013

To All the Mama's

Today is Mother's Day, which brings such mixed emotions for me. After all these years I still grieve for the mother that was taken from me before I have any memories of her. It wasn't till our first born was handed to me that I wondered, "what did my mom feel when she held me for the first time? Was she happy, or was she sad that I wasn't a boy?  Did I bring her joy or was a such a fussy baby that she was just weary?

Then I think about all the women like Elizabeth who wanted a child so bad her arms ached. Mother's day is such a cruel holiday for those women who so desperately want to be called Mama. The terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach when she sees a newborn being held and all she wants to do is run from the room and cry.

Then I think of all the Mama's in the world that carry such a burden of guilt. They were young, the were pressured, they were oblivious to the choice they were about to make and then in a blink of any eye, their baby is gone. They know in their hearts that this baby was not just a blob of tissue, but a real living human being.  If they could turn back the hands of time the decision would be different.

Then I think of all the Mama's who have had to bury their own children. No one should have to do such a thing. It has been said there is nothing worse than closing the casket of your child. With the close of the casket the hopes and dreams for this child is gone forever. 

Mother's Day.  Pretty flowers, adorable cards, a breakfast in bed or a forgotten holiday.  Each of us has our own bag of memories that we keep hidden from the world. Today, in my small and very inadequate way I want to say that I remember if no one else days. More importantly, God remembers and he will wipe every tear away. Some day he will make all things new.

I hold to that promise each and every day. 

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".

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