Friday, April 26, 2013

A Dark Pit



The doctor called first thing the next morning as promised and told me our first appointment was in an hour. I walked into the clinic holding Richard in my arms. I am confused at this point. This new clinic was an optholmologist office. I go to the desk and tell the receptionist that there must be a mistake. I told her our name and she said, "you are in the right clinic, the doctor is waiting for you".

I am totally confused at this point. I am ushered into a room with a huge chair in the middle and am asked to sit down. The doctor walks in and says there is no mistake, I am here to see the doctor. He had already had a consult with our pediatrician and knew what was going on.

He had me sit in the chair with baby cradled in my arms. As the minutes passed and those minutes turned into over an hour tears just started streaming down my face. How could I have missed it? What kind of a Mom am I?  The doctor didn't have to say a word, our baby couldn't see a blessed thing. I quietly sobbed.

The doctor started explaining to me that atrophy had already occurred behind the eyes so it was irreversible.  He would be blind forever. My first thought was, "he will never see the sun rise". Then, he will never know what his Mama looks like. He will have no frame of reference for colors. I could imagine the darkness he would endure all his life.

The doctor was very kind and gentle with me.  He told me I had another appointment upstairs with the commander of the hospital. I slowly walked upstairs holding Richard tight and walked into the commanders office.

He asked me to sit down. He was sitting behind this very large and ornate desk. On the surface was a pretty picture of his children all decked out. As I recall he had three or four children.  He looked through the records and realized Richard was adopted.  He also noted the adoption was not yet final since it takes six months to complete.

He calmly told me that it would be in the best interest of everyone concerned to just give Richard back. Boy did my tears stop then. You don't mess with this Mama bear.  I looked at the picture of his children and asked this full Colonel if those were his children. He said yes. I then said, "If you just found out one of your children had lost their eye sight would you just throw them away?" He said of course I wouldn't! My response was why? WHy wouldn't you throw your child away after finding out he was blind? Because he is mine.  Exactly I said, "so don't EVER bring up giving up my child." The LORD has blessed us with this child and we will raise him to serve the LORD no matter what challenges he will face.

I had never spoken to anyone with such forcefulness.  No one was going to suggest I turn him back in because he wasn't perfect. Hadn't we asked God to give us a baby who really needed us? Doesn't everyone want to adopt white healthy babies and not challenged ones? We had asked for a baby that needed us and we sure got one.

I called Rich from a pay phone before driving back home, recounting what the doctors had said. SO much information to process. How would we tell the children their little brother was blind with no chance of recovery?

I will finish the story up next time.
In Christ Alone,
Jill



Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".

1 comment:

  1. wow! what a heart wrenching story! God bless you!

    ReplyDelete