Wednesday, March 21, 2012

In the Beginning

In the beginning is where I need to start. However, to understand this story my beginning starts at age 5 not birth. I don't remember a blessed thing before that fateful day in September 1963. I think I have written about that day before so I won't repeat it.

What is important to the story is to know that I lost my foundation and compass that day. My Mom died that night along with all memories of her. That is a sad story but I don't tell it to make you feel sorry for me. I chose years ago to not be a victim. To turn tragedy into victory for the glory of God.

What is important about the story is this... I never had an example on how to be a mama or a wife. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to grow up and have children. Actually, I figured no one would marry me so I decided that I would become a nanny to a bunch of wonderful children and that would be my passion.

So, how do you become a great mommy without ever seeing a mama do her job? That was easy. I would study God's word and figure out from the Bible how to be a good mama. I studied and studied and I prayed that God would guide me. In college I became a Bible major so I would be a good wife and mother.

I remember going into Jc Penney's with a girlfriend when I started showing during my first pregnancy. The clerk showed us maternity clothes and I was shocked. I had no idea there were maternity clothes. I had thought women who were pregnant wore hip hugger and flopped their bellies over their pants! Oh my was I ignorant. I bet that clerk went home shaking her head and chuckling about some young woman not even knowing the basics.

So my view of being a mama and a wife came straight from scriptures. I prayed over Proverbs 31. That was my ideal. A caring, nurturing and loving wife and mama. I tell this story so you can understand my thinking as this journey unfolds.

As I look back now I get why I do some of the things I do. I wanted my children to KNOW they were loved by the actions I did. I wanted my children to be nurtured because I knew what it felt like to not be nurtured. I wanted my children to have a firm foundation so I started reading the Bible to them as soon as they were born! Perhaps a tad early?

Since I didn't see a marriage up close growing up I read scripture and figured out how to be a great wife. I memorized scriptures like; "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church." Ephesian 5:22 or how about 1 Peter 3:1. "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."

All of my beliefs surround scripture. While I did not lack in knowledge of the Word I lacked implementation. It is the implementation that has come back to bite me in the rump! Here is the question, how do you behave when life throws a curve ball? What if there aren't clear cut answers to how to behave when life turns difficult?

Lots of questions while I journey in the desert. I would love to hear your thoughts. Till next time.

In Christ and Christ Alone,

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".


  1. I think it's so important to have mentors or people to observe in doing things. I can read how to do things all I want but until I either do it or see it done, it doesn't mean all that much. There are also plenty of times that we just have to "figure it out" along the way. I think there are a lot of situations where there is not a clear cut "right" or "wrong" way to do things. So much depends on the heart and the situation. But if we have God to guide us as well as others to ask, we can figure out a lot. We'll still make mistakes though.

  2. Jill,
    You are such a strong, passionate woman and Christian. I've always been in awe of you and your family. I've used your strength and commitment as a compass in my life and I know through your own struggles you will find your way through the "desert" just fine. Just as Jesus himself walked through the desert and looked to God for answers and support, you have done the same and God will be there with you and bring you through these difficult times. May God Bless you and your incredible family, who have touched and encouraged more people over so many years. You have the love of the Lord and the love of countless people out there praying for you and thinking of you constantly. Thank you Jill for being the epitome of a Christian and an example for all to follow.