Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Lump of Clay!

Hello precious one. This picture reminds me of a time when life was "normal". Our 4 youngest sons went with us to New Mexico for an exciting week of family camp at the ultimate Boy Scout camp, Philmont.

While everyone else was doing scout "stuff" I got to attend several different classes of my own. One of those classes was learning how to "throw" a pot. Pottery was fascinating to me. I could not wait to try my hand at shaping a pot. You have to throw the clay onto the wheel. Sure wish I could remember why but all I know is that you could not just place it on the wheel. Then with the wheel moving I had to keep my hands on it trying to mold it as it went round and round. It sure wasn't easy. In the hands of a master potter it looks effortless but I can attest to the fact that for a rookie the pot sure didn't look quite right!

I was reminded earlier this week that my life is like that clay on the wheel going round and round. God truly is the Master Potter and desperately wants me to allow Him to mold me. If I go by how I feel I sure don't "feel" like he is actively involved in molding me. I feel the silence more than anything.

What do you do when all you hear is silence? Perhaps my prayers are just bouncing off the wall? Perhaps God's face has turned away? Every now and then the doubts creeps in. Sometimes I feel like I could write a Psalms like David did. How long oh LORD will you wait to deliver us?

I have no clue why we are facing the giants we are facing. We have come to realize that our biggest fear which is losing mental capacity is coming true for us. How can a brilliant mind like my husbands be so compromised? How can someone in his 50's face that on top of everything else? How can I as his wife protect his dignity with balancing his freedoms?

I would have never guessed in a million years that we would be in this place, but here we are. All I know to do is seek the wisdom of those who have gone down this path before and adjust as we learn more. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will be faithful to the end. Even when we don't "feel" like God is listening we know that He loves us and will never forsake us. For now that has to be enough.

Enough. I will rest in that enough is enough. I will praise Him that the God of the Universe is molding and shaping me even in the silence.
How are you doing? What do you do in the silence?

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Jill and praying for the family. I cannot imagine the journey your on.

    Here we are in the midst of adopting two beautiful children from China and coming up against very large and formidable circumstances. I am running to the Lord for wisdom and guidance.

    Please know that I am praying for you all.