Wednesday, August 17, 2011


This will probably be one of my most deeply felt post I have ever written. I have thought about this post for almost 6 months now. I have decided to proceed in the hopes of helping even just one woman so here goes.

I have read my share of blogs from young gals who are deeply in love with their husbands. They change diapers, they give them a night out with girlfriends every now and then to just make them feel better. They give them back rubs and breakfast in bed on their anniversary. They hold hands in public and snuggle at home. I love reading those blogs because it gives me great hope for the future. Of the three of my children who are married they each have that kind of relationship and I count my blessings.

What happens though if you don’t happen to be one of those women who are the recipient of the practically perfect in every way husband? What happens when all of your dreams are smashed in one fell swoop? What happens when the music dies? When there is no holding hands any more. What happens when you walk in on your husband and see things on his computer that should never be there? There is a song called Happy Plastic People that I really like. It talks about all of us walking into church week after week with plastic faces on, smiles painted on our faces when really we are just dying inside.

I am reminded of the woman who did not marry a man of faith and she comes week after week alone. Every week she has to decide if she will stay with her husband or come and worship with other believers. Her husband may not understand her desire to give back to the LORD when it comes to money. She sits alone in her pew wishing for her husband would be with her.

Rich and I counseled multiple women and men who struggle with pornography. We saw many marriages destroyed. We have seen godly men turn their backs on their families and vice versa. We have also had dear friends kiss their hubbies good-bye and they are dead in less than an hour later. These situations remind me once again that life is so fragile and can change in an instant.

I then think of the women who don’t have a sudden loss but a very long and painful goodbye. I know of a godly woman who has cared for her husband for the last 25 years all alone. He is bedridden and doesn’t even know her yet she serves him day in and day out. I know in my case no one believed my husband would live till Christmas last year. He was ready to go home to the LORD and was ready to leave. Apparently God had other plans because he is still here. Now I know this may be hard to read but that is not always an easy answer to live with. The physical pain takes its’ toll physically and emotionally and yes even spiritually.

The silence can be deafening. I grieve for what we have lost. No, he did not die but life will never be the same again. Our ministry is gone as a couple. He is unable to do the work that God had for him. Most men’s identity revolves around their work and when that is cut short at such a young age it is a hole that is hard to fill. We chose to marry so that we could serve God together and that is gone. Truthfully it is hard being married to someone who mourns with every waking moment. Dreams that are now gone.

I don’t want to be one of those happy plastic people. Through other losses I have learned that God remains steadfast in his amazing love and grace. I also know that I have a calling and that is to serve my husband faithfully whether or not our dreams are fulfilled or not. I also know that with challenges come great strength through God’s Spirit. I look around and see what others may not see. People who are truly hurting but don’t share it with anyone because they think they are alone. If that is you, you are never alone. God walks right next to you and when necessary he will carry you.

I have learned that when God says no we are called to glorify him anyway. We will be faithful till the end. For those of you with a wonderful marriage that would be defined as practically perfect in every way thank God. You have been given a wonderful gift. For those of you who suffer alone with deep hurts and unmet needs remember that God will never desert you and to be thankful for the life he has given you. Each of us can still glorify God in our circumstance. If one woman is encouraged then my openness will have been well worth it.

If you do comment all I ask is that you be gentle.

Truly in Christ Alone,


Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning Satan says, "Oh crud, she's up".


  1. This was a very touching post. I am sorry for what you are going through. I was in horrible pain for 20 years...It is hard. You just have to keep reminding yourself of all of God's promises...You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...It is a daily battle to renew your mind with God's truths and not get bogged down with your trials. May God bless you.

  2. Jill I just want to share with you how much your posts encourage me and help me with my journey of faith. Life is hard. I sacrifice so much to care for my disabled daughter and homeschool both my kids and be a Godly wife. I feel so tired and rundown to only be 29! God continues to sustain me and remind me of how blessed I am, I can only do all of it by completely leaning on Him. You are a blessing to many, Jill!

  3. Thanks for sharing your heart, Jill. Love you.

  4. The world looks at Christians and too often sees plastic. Thanks for reminding us that following Christ means being real! Thank you, Jill, for always pointing us to Jesus! May He be your strength today, and always! kjs