Thursday, September 9, 2010

From My Heart


Good morning to each of you. There are moments in my life when I just have to stop and catch my breath. Life just swirls around me. I have a to do list that never seems to end along with the laundry and ironing!
We move now in less than 3 weeks into our daughter and son in-laws home. This move seems 20 years early. When we first moved into our current home 2 years ago I said they would have to take me out feet first. My dream of living out in the country has been realized and now it is time to move on.
Our daughter has 5 children. Our last 2 teenage sons have already moved out of our home and into theirs. There will be 11 people under one roof. Construction is going well on our basement "apartment".
We are having to walk away from our home. Never in our wildest dreams would I have thought this could happen to us, the ones with the perfect credit scores and wise choices under our belts. I will get to experience the phone calls asking where the mortgage payment is.
That pales in comparison to the change in my husband. With 15 meds now he is not who I married anymore. He just wants the pain to stop. We have now switched roles, my protector is buried under all the pills. Conversations disappear in thin air as if they never happened. My companion is now for the most part gone and I grieve. How long God? How long must we go on like this? Will our circumstances ever change?
Most days I am the strong one. God has blessed me with the courage to move forward and fight for my husband. Today I am weary. This road I am on is long and filled with challenges. Even on my hardest days though I KNOW with every fiber of my being that I am in God's perfect will. The God of the Universe knows when a single sparrow falls. Nothing that is happening is beyond his notice. His hands are holding us up and for today that is enough.

3 comments:

  1. Please know that you are not grieving alone, though your grief is so much more.
    I love you, my friend. Your family is in my prayers often throughout each day. I am, as usual, in awe of your continual faith, and want you to know what a constant blessing that is to those around you.

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  2. Dear Jill, God says that in our weakness we are made strong, and you are certainly an example of that with all that is going on in your life right now! Your perseverance in the weakness of your situation is what makes you strong.

    God also says that the greatest love is to lay down one's life for another, and you are doing that as well, in your continued devotion to your husband.

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  3. We are praying for you and so glad that we had the chance to see you this summer. Your example of being a support to your husband is wonderful, but I know you are weary. God is so good to hold you up. We'll continue to pray.

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