Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Swimming Upstream

Good morning to each of you. Today I would just like to share my heart with you.

As many of you know my husband has now been sick for over 16 months. It started with the shingles and quickly moved to something much more challenging. He lost his job back in March and is now unable to work at all. He went from climbing mountains and hiking with the scouts to barely being able to get up the stairs. I have watched my husband shrivel. We have struggled mightily. Sometimes I watch him from a distance trying to walk using a cane and a wall to keep himself upright and I want to scream, this is not how it should be at age 51.

I have watched our grown children watch their Dad change drastically and I weep. Our children have always looked at their Dad as the strong one, ready to leap tall buildings in a single bound and now he has a hard time putting a grandchild on his lap. I can only imagine what our children are going through. I watch my husband’s parents who have always been my parents too silently weep watching their son fade and it breaks my heart. I can only imagine what our parents are going through.

Then I watch our friends who feel so helpless watching their friend deteriorate and they don’t know what to do. One of Rich’s closest friends sat with my husband the last time he preached and he was so bad that day. I hated to ask his buddy to do that but I knew my husband needed him that morning. I can only imagine what he is going through.

I could scream at God that this is not fair. I could shake my fist and say how dare you God. But, I serve a Father who loves me and my precious husband so much. Could he make all of this go away and restore Rich to his health of 16 months ago, YES. But, for whatever reason he chooses not to and we remain faithful. I rest in the arms of my Father even when I can’t rest in my husband’s arms.

Friday we had a CT scan of his chest, abdomen and pelvic to see if they could biopsy anything. We expected the results in 2 weeks. The doctor called Saturday and said they found multiple pulmonary emboli in his lungs so off to the hospital we went. Do you know the emergency room works rather quickly when multiple blood clots are found in your lung? We spent the night in the hospital and now Rich has to give himself shots in his stomach for the forseeable future to break up the clots. This apparently leads the doctors to believe we are dealing with an auto immune problem so more tests are being run. Now we wait again.

In that waiting we put one foot in front of another. May I ask you to pray for my husband and I. I am asking that God will deliver my husband. As his caregiver I feel inadequate to the task at hand. Please pray for strength for both of us. I know God has not abandoned us and I truly rest in His loving arms no matter what.

God Bless each of you today as walk faithfully in the Masters presence.

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